I am reflecting on the various relationships I have currently-with my family, friends and other half. Honestly, I prioritize my relationships more than anything else. I am willing to sacrifice many things for them. Human relationship matters most to me, sadly, it also brings most hurt to me. Sometimes, I feel I'm too naive and silly to prioritize relationship matters above everything else. Sometimes, I question myself, 'Why am I so touchy and sensitive when it comes to relationship matters? Is it worth it? Is it worth the tears and heart aches?" It's too much guesswork, too much at stake, too much expectations, too much unwanted miscommunications. Sometimes, I wished I could focus on something less complex and personal. Sometimes, I wished I am more of a left brain person, that way, I wouldn't care so much about the emotional part of me. Wouldn't be that bothered.
Right now, I'm also thinking about Ah Gong. I wonder if he's OK in the hospital; if he's sound asleep. I wonder if the Doctor will give us the good news of discharging him tomorrow. The past few days has been particularly challenging... As I fed and watch after him, the man who adores my brother and I to bits ever since young (he always brought us to different places and took so many pictures of us); the man who bought me my first digital camera that I still cherish dearly until today; the man who always fetched us home after school in his white Volvo; the man who is simple yet vibrant, my Ah Gong, I can't help but to feel sorrow inside of me. The man that was so carefree and wonderful is now fully dependent on everyone else. Before his stroke, he loved shopping and venturing around the city-makaning his favorite food somewhere, walking around in Midvalley, etc. It hurts me now, seeing that he's not able to do it now. It really hurts to see someone you love not smiling anymore.
